this is Christmas.

Are you the type who hangs every bit of her hat on performance? I’m convinced that God lovingly allowed in me the propensity to say every wrong thing at the wrongest time. To be clumsy. To be awkward. I win at that; you can be sure.

But all these wonky heart shapes and uneven lines? They are on purpose. Because I’m sure He knew that I would try to make my value equal to my performance. And so I am learning to stop and thank Him. I mean really stop. And really say my thanks to Him that I am not perfect. And that other people see that from time to time. So that I won’t get caught up in wondering why, why, why do I have to be so messy? In front of others?

So I stop asking why. I start thanking Him. Thanking Him for that very time when I said everything so wrong or so silly or so not funny or so not encouraging. For that time when I missed giving grace or shoring up or just plain showing up.

Because it’s in the wonky shapes and uneven lines and my mess showing that I am reminded that I never could perform my way to Him. I never could. Not to His love for me. Not to His life for me. Not to His gift for me.

So. This is Christmas. On His fresh born, God in full, Man in full, Savior completely birthday, I will thank Christ. Thank Him that I never could perform my way to Him. Never could song and dance my way to value. Thank Him that He covered that distance for me.

Merry Christmas, friends. I’ll be turning in for a bit. I’m so thankful for you. Smiley face. See you in the new year.