my secret.
My husband and I had been dating for three months when my Daddy rolled into town in our family’s first edition Dodge Caravan. Backseat removed.
We loaded up all of my worldly possessions and I pointed my van in the direction of Roanoke, Virginia.
A freshly degreed teacher, I had followed my heart to urban ministry instead of to the classroom. For a romantic like me, it was the greatest movie ending to my young adulthood.
And on that early summer night? Months before? When the air was not quite solid yet and I looked across the front seat of my car at the boy I had not liked and then tolerated and then counted as a dear friend? When I looked across that car and I saw it in his eyes? That he was choosing me?
I knew. I knew I’d be leaving soon. I knew I’d be caught up in something bigger than myself. I knew that God was going to rip my heart apart and I might not have much to give to him. But I said yes anyway.
I didn’t know if we could make it. But I’d waited 22 years to have a boy choose me.
“I love you,” he said as he pushed flowers at me, me loading all of my life into the back of the van my parents bought when I was in 8th grade. I said yes.
Whatever this means. Yes.
We didn’t make it.
By November we were coasting on the fumes of our summer love. Phone calls relegated to Sunday nights by fledgling youth ministries and down and dirty loving you right where you are ministry. Me, trying to be present right where I was. Loving the parts of the city that I’d been taught to avoid. Him, staffing an inner city golf ministry (you read that right) and winning hearts and pointing Up.
We couldn’t make it. And so we let our fingertip hold loosen.
And I cried for him every day after.
Months later, I found my way to the classroom and home and he was here.
It didn’t happen right away.
Half a year had passed and we were awkward around each other. Shaky. Nervous. Unsure.
We avoided. We took turns sharing friends.
And then on a hot July night, he chose me all over again.
We were married on December 30, 2000. Eleven years ago today.
There are things that are meant to be kept close. I’ll always keep them there.
But know this. It has been my privilege to know this man and be called his wife.
He has a way about him. And it’s a secret only for me: a bulldozer of emotions and questions. He’s taught me what it means to let who you are unfold in the most surprising way. He’s shown me that no one will ever see his heart the way I have. It’s a secret only for me.
Happy Anniversary! And Happy New Year too. This post is just precious and lovely in every way…a real love story.
I loved your post. I live in Dublin, Va. and was pleased to see you are in Roanoke. If you can please check my blog. Happy New Year!
Oh Ellen! How precious! Happy anniversary!! You don’t know this, but my sweet man proposed to me at the mill mountain star. We went back and visited this summer with our little ones. It was sweet.
I love the secrets of deep, married, Godly love. Amen sister.
Jen Clary
oh, i miss the star! and being so close to the parkway.
Ellen, this is so beautifully written! What a romantic story.
Ellen….Happy Anniversary to you both…I trust you are well! Loved reading this…and
pray one day I will have a love like this!
Was so Blessed to watch this love come together! Love you both so much!!!
you? are an ebeneezer to me. all that God did in my life. you’re there in every memory. so thankful for you!
love this…and you! Thanks for sharing
thank you, beth! i’m a fan of yours as well
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Love this! Happy Anniversary! You really should write a book…I did not want the story to end…
bonnie! thank you. it’s a neverending story
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Beautiful words. Happy Anniversary to you both!
Favorite lines: “He’s shown me that no one will ever see his heart the way I have. It’s a secret only for me.” Isn’t marriage such a precious, precious gift?
thank you, anne. so very precious to me.
Happy 11 years to you guys!!! I remember it like yesterday and was reminded by my hubby, ” 20 minutes or less”
Love you guys and hope your day is special!!!!
girl. again. stop it with the words.
thank you. you? are my personal cheerleader. so thankful for you!
I love this story. I love the last part. The best part of marriage. Happy Anniversary to you two! Wishing you many blessings of life and love in the New Year.
thank you, friend! it is the best part. a privilege.
Oh precious love. It is a privilege to know this story of love. Happy anniversary E+T!
thank you, dear and lovely and wonderful friend!