the redemption of time
Last week I sat drinking unsweetened iced tea (dumb diet) across the table from a lovely heart who has more life experience than I do.
This change I am seeking is going to require all of my thinking parts.
I want to delight. I want to cherish. I want to pour out love, love, love.
Homework time is a major battlefield. I feel tired. I’ve been up for years, it feels like. I’ve been in the physical world of a four year old. I feel not enough. And I’m just done.
But it’s a gift that I am able to be here in this moment. And it’s the sweet pulp of our day together.
And so as my words poured out over unsweetened tea and devilishly tempting coffee smells. I said it.
What is my part in redeeming this time?
The simple answer that came back was fresh air to my not good enough, work harder heart.
What would make me look forward to it?
And that very afternoon, we positioned ourselves right under the window where the absolute best afternoon light splashes in. It’s the kind of light that makes you want to do something fancy and important.
And we spoke God’s Word over and before that time.
And there was soft music. A bit of Sandra McCracken is always a good thing. Or the Wailing Jennys can make romance out of first grade spelling words.
Today? I think we will selfishly pilfer every camellia off the bushes just around the corner so that we can have a table full for tomorrow. Wednesday and Thursday are always hardest. The best part is that the quince is about to bloom and I cannot wait to look through wiry, white bloomed branches at third grade math.
There is peace in this time now and I am feeling less and less the pull to rush out of it (sometimes). Sometimes it is still hard and groan filled but we will do it anyway.
I was stuck in unlocking the mystery when all I needed was just to bring the sweet gifts to the table.
This isn’t about perfection. I’m trying to keep lofty expectations at bay. This is just about being present. Being Present. It might be grumbly on their part or mine. It might mean doing math that I needed a tutor for. It might mean digging in and pushing through and it might not feel delightful right this very minute. It might mean that I have to stop the whirlwind of a to do list that I was never going to finish in the first place. But they are worth it and I want them to know it. It’s a tiny portion of my day that I can stop and let be redeemed.
Are you on this journey, too? I’d love it you’d share.
LOVE all of this…..but this little piece right here “But they are worth it and I want them to know it.” is exactly what I needed to hear today. Thank you.
kristin! thank you. you are pretty precious. really.
so beautifully written! just discovered your blog tonight for the first time.
and i’m glad i did!
i wrote a letter to another mama just yesterday, and in it i said, “God is showing me more and more than I don’t have to be a perfect mom. I just have to be a PRESENT mom!” How cool is that?! God is showing us a lot of the same truths in our individual journeys are moms.
thanks for the inspiration today!
blessings,
lora
lora! already, i like you. you wrote a letter! i need to do that more. at all, really. glad to be on this journey with you! and welcome to this little corner.
Ellen, did I ever tell you about when Deirdre, Uncle Mike and I all went on behavior charts. One of her behaviors was to do her homework without whining and complaining. She had 2 others – I forget right now what they were. Uncle Mike and I each had 3 behaviors. One of mine was to ask for help without whining or complaining. We would rate each other at the end of each day. We could earn privileges with our points. By the end of about the third week, Deirdre and Mike were earning all of their points every day. I never was able to earn my points for the asking for help one. It accomplished what we were looking for in terms of getting through the homework battles, but I certainly learned a hard lesson about myself! Love, Aunt Lucia
well. i’m pretty sure i’d never earn a single point. and have to face some truth about myself. love you!
You write SO beautifully. It’s almost too rich for my simple mind to fully absorb. I am right there with you too. It is so hard to turn away from the floor that needs to be vacuumed or the toilet that needs to be scrubbed to sit on the floor or step outside with my 2 precious miracles and just be PRESENT. The Lord is doing a good work in you and I know He is in me as well. Blessed be the name of the Lord!
imagine being me. smiley face. i confuse myself minute by minute. i’m too much in my head. erin? thank you for this encouragement!
ellen this is lovely. in fact, i could write something similar! praise jesus for you! a treasure, you are.
you know, i am re-reading one of my most favorite and most beneficial books.
(the christian’s high calling, maurice roberts.)
i’ll share what struck me down afresh, just last night:
“it is a thousand pities that we do not stop often enough to ponder this love which our lord and master has for us. it would transform our present life into something more akin to heaven-on-earth if we did.”
xo
hannah! thank you for this sweet reminder. it appears i need to add that book to my list!
Yes. I’m there.I’m not a mother, but I’m still there. A full time job and a part time student, I feel I’m scraping by meeting my own needs. Time for others is nonexistant, and for my husband, is far less than he deserves. When I’m tired, I’m angry, I’m snappy and I’m altogether sinful.
yes. tired me is not a lovely me. on any level. i’m just going to be tired (i gather you are, too, with all of your goings on). praying that you find God’s refreshing and discover what being present looks like for you. it’s covered in grace!
I’m not there. I’m in the middle of gone back to work part-time, chasing a screaming toddler who will not let go of whatever she’s caught in her tiny grasp and laundry over my head.
I can feel your pain though. Tired is tired.
Working on being present over here too. I send up a prayer for you.
so basically you are learning a new kind of present. hard stuff. praying for YOU, friend.
Oh, sweet friend, I had to rush right over here from my reader to comment. Yes! I am walking with you and so long for “less the pull to rush OUT” of these moments, which thread their way throughout my all too often very long day. Lovely post that it just what I needed at the start of the day.
beth! your words bring me joy. staying in is the hardest thing sometimes.
Yes I am. I’m tired and math makes me cranky. I’ve never been more aware of the sacrificial nature of motherhood. When my needs are many and my emotions are shaky, their needs can easily overwhelm me. For me it’s about lowering expectations in a big way…and clinging to Jesus. Good {but hard} things to do.
yes, lowered expectations. let’s just get back to simple loving. right there with you.
That cheery picture makes me so happy. I keep scrolling up to look at it some more. I keep trying to pretend I don’t have morning sickness so that I can play with an almost-two year old and try to clean our house, but I am trying trying trying to remember that He doesn’t care if my floors are dusty or that the laundry has been sitting cold and wrinkled in the dryer for the last two days. Sigh. There is a time for resting up and asking for help and that is where I am right now. And it’s okay.
two things:
1. if i were there or you were here i would be right in line to fold that laundry or clean that house or whatever else would be a help.
2. you are growing a little person. and you are right to listen to your body and take expectations off the table, friend.